CURMUDGEON REPORT # 8
Headline of a local newspaper article:
“Some Minneapolis cops could get pension of $64,000 a year”
I’m a mite nervous about big guys in blue uniforms – even readin’ about um – ever since Uncle Morton got smacked silly by a riot baton. Bein’ an activist an’ all, he was rallyin’ fer some darn cause er another while wearing a Richard Nixon face mask. Ya could tell the policeman weren’t no Nixon fan because the last thing Mort remembered ’bout the whole in c dent was the cop sayin’, “Next time wear a monkey mask.” Smacko! Which is real unfair, ’cause Mort’s mask come pretty close t’ one.
Well, nervous er not, Socrates wants me t’ read the papers before I put um in his cage; he sets up a ruckus if them stories ain’t t’ his likin’. Mighty dang fussy for a parrot. Come t’ think on it though, I’ve had my own indecisions between Scotts or Charmin.
Headline on the paper said Some Minneapolis cops could get pensions of $64,000 a year. Wow! That’s about one-an’-uh-half times Minnesota’s median income – which ain’t alfalfa. But then, the article went on t’ say that if the city paid them cops the sixty-four grand uh year pension that Minneapolis would save $34 million over the next 20 years. Criminy, that’s a bundle uh savin’s. But I gotta suggestion: why not pay them policemen $128,000 a year and save the city $68 million over twenty years? With that much savin’ you’d think they could balance their budget and have enough left over t’ get a few more uh them fancy hundred-thousand-dollars-a-crack drinkin’ fountains.